morning

more quiet
this sunday morning
more happiness
slowly

the cat
watching me from the hallway

in the early sunlight

the rushes

in the silence of snow and conifers
in the conversation of trees
i take refuge

and recognize that refuge is not
escape

but living

in the shiny boxes
of conversation, merry christmas,
get it done, formal shoes,
i feel dark thoughts descend
and yet, i can no longer call them dark
for they are not the velvety darkness
of trees in winter

they are darkness as seen uniformly
through a square window in a room
filled with electric light and voices

the darkness of separation from night
from emptiness, from silence

the darkness that is feared by electric
people, by people who can't slow down

the rushes
the steps i take to prove myself professional,
human, active, responsible, conversational

the rushes
creaking in moonlight, brushing and sighing
in the solstice wind

my hope for salvation, for refuge
for life

- for heather

the loon

in my dream
my sister and i are wading in a lake
in the evening
a loon swims up to me
and offers me a fish
from his beak

the gift of lucid dreaming
the gift of returning hopes
the gift of travel
the gift of no comprise
in the mind's pursuit of freedom

my sister runs through the water
chasing the loon, splashing, wild
i scream and scream at her, she must stop
she must let them come to us
i scream louder than i have in years
she stops
the water is quiet
the night is quiet
and the loon, and the other water beings,
and the moon, and the silence
gather in again

confession

heart is like an egg
hot life is scrabbling inside
the smooth cool walls

when will it crack?
what will it feel like to confess
again and again
my adoration?

kittens

a woman in the passenger seat of a mini-van
is holding two buff coloured kittens
they peer curiously
as the van rushes through
autumn darkness

tonight

the cold on my cheeks
bracing, i am alive

the dark on my eyes
gently, they rest

the softest sound in the
universe
a cat's rumbling purr

the doe

this morning
a deer is in the city
a doe is bounding through the streets

the free heart is so heavy,
it bounds in graceful fear

it seeks the shelter of trees
the flank of its long lost mother

it seeks rest,
yet finds a demon in every moving thing

it is a miraculous outsider