Saturday, January 5, 2013

the purpose-driven life

up and downs
tightenings and releasings
trying to find my meaning
my purpose in life
all i want is to empty out
and experience
i can't find a purpose in that

the left side of my brain
churning and working
desperately pleaing
earnestly searching
trying to solve existential problems with
practical solutions
turning away in disgust
reaching again
takes my body along for the ride
i'm bumping into things and
hurting myself

in the quiet cemetery
after a half hour's stillness
long deciduous needles dancing in the wind
blue snow
the sound of wind, far away
and close
and moments of spring smell
in january

i look down onto the white snow
and see hundreds of crow tracks
mingled with little narrow golden leaves
a pattern so wild and multiple
i can feel my left brain release
into the emptiness of being

delight, peace and joy
profound relief
an awesome mystery
a spiritual magic

"it's just brain chemistry!" says my brain
"nothing special"
and i see it as poetry
and always will
and always will want to

i am a poet
that is what i am

even if i never write a word
even if i find no meaning in the title
even if i still have drifting days
and little to show for myself
at the hour of my death.

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