ready

through the lobby windows
i am surprised to see rain
and i go back upstairs to put on my boots

*

it's quite cold today
this early thanksgiving
and i feel ungrateful

i meditated on irritation
while the teacher talked of gratitude
i meditated on disatisfaction
while the teacher spoke of abundance

and i swore repeatedly in the shower
while crying
and feeling sorry for myself

afterwards
i didn't have the feeling of dryness
and tiredness
you get after crying
i felt fine
i put on my nice clothes
i walked down the road
i ironed tableclothes and folded napkins and set the table
with lovely china
and enjoyed a lively thanksgiving meal
with twelve people and two dogs and a guinea pig

afterwards
when i came out into early evening
it wasn't raining anymore
but it was still cold

i am ready for winter